School Starts

School started a couple of weeks ago. This is always a time of adjustment and that adjustment usually takes me three or four weeks to complete. I don't really quit working over the summer. Granted, the work is for myself in the form of freelance writing, but it's still 8 or 10 hour days. And those days are here in my home office.

So, the biggest adjustment I face is that I have to wear professional clothing and I have to take that 8, 10 or 12 hours a day to a different location: the school(s).

Okay, that's not true. The biggest adjustment I face is that, during the summer, I get to be home pretty much all day with my family. Yes, a lot of that time I am locked away in the office hacking out someone's flam tap/flam accent, turns into a flam drag, finishes with a double stroke roll based over triplets phrase for the snare feature in their show, but when it's lunch time, I get to be 'daddy.' When the kids wake up from the naps I put them down for, I'm there. I'm there at 3:50 in the afternoon when we decide we can load the whole family up in the minivan and still make it to Sonic by the end of Happy Hour.

Bottom line: when school starts, I stop seeing my family. And I hate it.

So, when I have a rough day, or have a stressful encounter with a parent, can't have a reasonable conversation with a coach or can't seem to get some chunk of music to sound just right, it opens up that wound that I'm not there in the safety net that my family creates.

I like teaching band. I'm passionate about writing music. But, I love my family. And band directing is hard because of the sheer lack of family time I get, especially during marching season.

An anecdote:

This summer, my now almost six-month old son, Grant, learned how to roll over from his back to his stomach. This is pretty big stuff in the world of baby development. The first time he did it, I was there! It was way cool and I can't believe that music and fireworks didn't immediately start right afterward! Heck, Kayla wasn't in the room, so this is one of those really rare opportunities that I would see something like this before she would (major bragging rights, by the way...).

Well, the next bit of development is that Grant started to get up on his knees and start to rock back and forth a little. That has been cool to watch him do, too. Couple that with the fact that he can now sit-up on his own, and this has been a pretty cool thing to witness.

What's so hard to cope with is, now that school has started, I am very much less likely to see Grant start to really crawl. I have pretty much seen everything up to this point, from the moment it started, but with this, I am anticipating (but somewhat also dreading) the inevitable phone call I will get from Kayla. "Grant just started crawling for real, on his own!"

Now, I'm not stupid, and I know that I'm not the first person who has had to tackle this difficult balance between work and home, but it's just all so real now, and no longer so hypothetical. I know that you have to learn to strike symmetry between the time you spend at your job and the time you spend with your family. But, from previous experience, finding that symmetry is a never-ending pursuit.

So, here's to another year of having lunch with my family in the teacher's lounge and seeing them for a few minutes in the third quarter of a football game. And here's another year of telling a student I'll get something ready/together/done for them, then blowing it off because I am taking Regan to the store. And, not being as prepared for rehearsal or the week because the kids are dressed in Dallas Cowboys outfits and time must stand still for the game!

If there's a solution; I haven't found it. But, I'll keep looking.